If Dear Abby Was A Man...
Q: My fiance still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm
afraid he will not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been
proven to increase with the number of sexual partners.
Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really
increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a
nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and
don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be
encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove
his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable,
a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get
back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at
how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his
stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice,
expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't
mention this aspect of his behaviour.
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex
with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get
enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your
sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the
family together. Why not some cousins involved? If you are
still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy
him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal
and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex
with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only 10
calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to keep
your figure and gives a great glow to the skin. Interestingly
a man knows this. His offer to you to perform oral sex with
him is totally selfless. Oral sex is extremely painful for a
man. This shows he loves you. Best thing to do is to thank
him, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a
nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you
must mess with it, do it in your own time. To help with the
family budget you may wish to video tape yourself while
doing this, and to sell it at car-boot sales. To ease your
selfish guilt, buy your man a nice expensive present, and
cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after making love
we have no time to talk.
A: Sex is an extremely difficult task for a man. Afterwards he
needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more hard
work his love-making is, and the more rest he needs. Stop
putting pressure on him. Buy him a nice, expensive
present, and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last 30
seconds.
A: Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned on
by you that he cannot control himself. In fact, the shorter
the 'effort' the more he loves you. Return this love by
>> buying
a nice, expensive present, and cooking him a nice meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay to a man is very hurtful. What it means is that
you do not love your man as much as you should - he has
to work a lot to get you in the mood. Abandon all wishes in
this area, and make it up to him by buying a nice
expensive present, and cooking a nice meal.
Q: My husband has never given me an orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is a myth. It is fostered by militant,
man-hating feminists and is a danger to the family unit.
Don't mention it again to him and show your love to him by
buying a nice expensive present ..and don't forget to cook
him a delicious meal.