(Fwd) Computer Viruses... (fwd)

Dmano Baggio!!! (9256405@mull.sms.ed.ac.uk)
Mon, 19 Feb 1996 10:13:07 +0000

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BOBBIT VIRUS: Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it.
(But that part will never work again.)

O.J. VIRUS: It claims that it did not, could not and would not delete
two of your files and vows to find the virus that did it.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It
warns you of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead
refers to itself as an "electonic microorganism."

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of
how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to
first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before
the whole thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and
then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
getting

THE MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are overpaying
for the AT&T virus.

TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SWARZENEGGER VIRUS: Terminated ans stays resident. It'll be back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes
without joining into a binary network.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS 2: Their is sumthing rong with your compueter, ewe just
can't figyour out watt.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it maskes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to
be the most important part of the computer.

GALLUP VIRUS: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of
their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
error).

TERRY RANDLE VIRUS: Print "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort"
from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure its bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

MICHAEL JACKSON VIRUS: Hard to identify because it is constant altering
its appearance. The virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically
with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

AIRLINE VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.

PBS VIRUS: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self
destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations
across rural America.

OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

NIKE VIRUS: Just Does It!

SEARS VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power
supply, and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS: Nobody can find it.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: Runs every program on the hard drivesimultaneously,
but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

KEVORKIAN VIRUS: Helps your computer shut down whenever it wants to.

IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS: Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up then
subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive
shoes it purchses through Prodigy.

STAR TREK VIRUS: Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
before.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and
send you a bill for $4,500.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS: It starts by boldly stating, "Read my test...no new
files!" on the screen, proceeds to fill up all the free space on your
hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.

CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS: Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.

LAPD VIRUS: It claims it feels threatened by the other files on your PC
and erases them in "self-defense."

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS: Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in
the reviews, but you still love it.

"That's not my opinion.... that's just what I think!"

Ciao for now, love Dusch;
"when you say that, smile!"
..................................................................
'To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography
and the dancers hit each other.'
"G.G.R. is the way forward"
9256405@mull.sms.ed.ac.uk

+ ,
O:)-|--< MAGIC FLASH!
+ '

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