About TV

Being an ignorant fool, upon arriving to the American continent I made a fateful mistake. Repeatedly, during my first couple of months here I made some statements that left no doubt in anyone's mind that I frequently engage in an activity that may be summed up in two words: "watching television". If only I knew than what I know one, I would've lied. Now I know that among American artists, American intellectuals and other "dead people" a proper thing to say in regard to TV would be one of the following:

• I never watch television!
• I do NOT watch television.
• I watch only public television.
• I don't have a TV.
• I have only an old black & white TV, probably doesn't work.
• I have a Sony Trinitron, 27 inch stereo with P in P and a laser player, but only so I can watch director's cuts or those foreign movies you can't find on tape.
• I don't have cable!
• I have cable only so I can watch BRAVO. Occasionally they show some foreign movies you can't find anywhere.

For people who never watch television, all those individuals were extremely well informed about the things that are shown only on broadcast TV. If you confront them about it, they always have an explanation.

• I was stuck at the Cedar Rapids airport and I HAD TO watch TV for five hours!
• I was visiting my in-laws (or some distant relatives - blood being not water, it's never some close relatives) and they have TV in every room including the bathrooms!
• I was in a hotel and I couldn't sleep or read, so I ended up watching TV all night! The horror!
• It happened when I was in a hospital after that boating accident. I was o full of painkillers, I didn't know what I was doing...
• I was abducted by space aliens, and they made me a part of a cruel and unusual experiment...
• I had a personality disorder, but I'm much better now!
• Sve bilo je muzika!

This latest statement came from an international visitor and I learned only much later that it had nothing to do with TV. On the other hand it contains no profanity, so I kept it here.